{"title":"Home page","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"its-a-shirt-it-exists-so-do-you","title":"It's a shirt. It exists. So do you.","description":"\u003cp\u003eDESCRIPTION\u003cbr\u003eCotton. Black. The logo is on the front. It fits, assuming you ordered the right size. Size selection is yours alone — we are not liable for outcomes arising from failure to consult the size chart. The size chart exists. That's the feature.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe boring details, read it...or don't, no one cares:\u003cbr\u003e• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton - Soft enough to almost make you feel something.\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz of stylish indifference\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBecause nothing means anything—but at least you’ll look good pretending it does.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e68.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e42\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7-86.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e86.4-94\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e73.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e50.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e96.5-104.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e55.9\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e106.7-114.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e61\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e116.8-124.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e81.3\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e66\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e127-134.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e3XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e83.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e71.1\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e137.2-144.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e4XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e86.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e76.2\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e147.3-155\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e5XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e89\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e78.7\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e157.5-165\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eWe make this product specifically for you instead of manufacturing 10,000 of them and hoping for the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eAs a result, shipping takes a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eIt reduces overproduction. It reduces waste. And it gives us one less thing to feel vaguely responsible for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision. Or at least this one.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"#nihilistlawyer","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":51317943271460,"sku":"1248305_9527","price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51317943304228,"sku":"1248305_4016","price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51317943336996,"sku":"1248305_4017","price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51317943369764,"sku":"1248305_4018","price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51317943402532,"sku":"1248305_4019","price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51317943435300,"sku":"1248305_4020","price":24.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL","offer_id":51317943468068,"sku":"1248305_5295","price":26.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"4XL","offer_id":51317943500836,"sku":"1248305_5310","price":29.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"5XL","offer_id":51317943533604,"sku":"1248305_12871","price":32.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/4713\/2196\/files\/unisex-staple-t-shirt-black-front-6a91dac5d8056.jpg?v=1787943642"},{"product_id":"long-sleeve-tee-perfect-for-hiding-your-arms-or-your-feelings","title":"Long sleeve tee. Hides your arms. Or your feelings.","description":"\u003cp\u003eSame shirt. Sleeves extend to the wrist, covering more of you — which is, at minimum, what you'd want from your representation. We are not your representation. We are a clothing brand. The shirt is longer.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe boring details, read it...or don't, no one cares:\u003cbr\u003e• 100% airlume combed ring-spun cotton....probably.\u003cbr\u003e• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz of extended indifference\u003cbr\u003eBecause nothing means anything—but at least your arms are covered.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\" style=\"width: 73.666093%;\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 7.142857%;\"\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.789116%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSHIRT LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.108844%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST WIDTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 21.598639%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCHEST TO FIT (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 24.14966%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSLEEVE LENGTH (inches)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 7.142857%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.789116%;\"\u003e27\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.108844%;\"\u003e16 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 21.598639%;\"\u003e31-34\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 24.14966%;\"\u003e25\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 7.142857%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eS\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.789116%;\"\u003e28\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.108844%;\"\u003e18\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 21.598639%;\"\u003e34-37\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 24.14966%;\"\u003e25 ⅝\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 7.142857%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eM\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.789116%;\"\u003e29\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.108844%;\"\u003e20\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 21.598639%;\"\u003e38-41\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 24.14966%;\"\u003e26 ¼\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 7.142857%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.789116%;\"\u003e30\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.108844%;\"\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 21.598639%;\"\u003e42-45\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 24.14966%;\"\u003e26 ⅞\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 7.142857%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eXL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.789116%;\"\u003e31\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.108844%;\"\u003e24\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 21.598639%;\"\u003e46-49\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 24.14966%;\"\u003e27 ½\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 7.142857%;\"\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e2XL\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.789116%;\"\u003e32\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 22.108844%;\"\u003e26\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 21.598639%;\"\u003e50-53\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd style=\"width: 24.14966%;\"\u003e28 ⅛\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eWe make this product specifically for you instead of manufacturing 10,000 of them and hoping for the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eAs a result, shipping takes a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eIt reduces overproduction. It reduces waste. And it gives us one less thing to feel vaguely responsible for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision. Or at least this one.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"#nihilistlawyer","offers":[{"title":"XS","offer_id":51318032105508,"sku":"1999400_10093","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"S","offer_id":51318032138276,"sku":"1999400_10094","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M","offer_id":51318032171044,"sku":"1999400_10095","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L","offer_id":51318032203812,"sku":"1999400_10096","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL","offer_id":51318032236580,"sku":"1999400_10097","price":26.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL","offer_id":51318032269348,"sku":"1999400_10098","price":28.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/4713\/2196\/files\/unisex-long-sleeve-tee-black-front-6a91dc92375d7.jpg?v=1787944092"},{"product_id":"this-is-a-hat-youve-seen-hats-before","title":"This is a hat. You've seen hats before.","description":"\u003cp\u003eCotton twill. Adjustable. The logo is on the front. The brim can be curved or left flat. This is a discretionary call and is not subject to review. Wear it or don't.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe boring details, read it...or don't, no one cares:\u003cbr\u003e• 100% chino cotton twill or something close enough\u003cbr\u003e• Unstructured, 6-panel, low-profile.... like your life\u003cbr\u003e• Adjustable strap with antique buckle, tighten it until you feel something\u003cbr\u003eBecause nothing means anything- but even the void needs shade.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e52-62\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e12\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e19\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eWe make this product specifically for you instead of manufacturing 10,000 of them and hoping for the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eAs a result, shipping takes a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eIt reduces overproduction. It reduces waste. And it gives us one less thing to feel vaguely responsible for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision. Or at least this one.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"#nihilistlawyer","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51318045573156,"sku":"1874688_7854","price":22.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/4713\/2196\/files\/classic-dad-hat-black-front-6a91ddfe1852b.jpg?v=1787944459"},{"product_id":"a-beanie-folded-once-warmth-without-meaning","title":"A beanie. Folded once. Warmth without meaning.","description":"\u003cp\u003eKnit. Black. Folds at the cuff. The fold changes nothing about the underlying structure — it just modifies what's visible. We have no further questions. It holds. \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe boring details, read it...or don't, no one cares:\u003cbr\u003e• 100% Turbo Acrylic. We also don't know what that means. It doesn't matter. \u003cbr\u003e• Hypoallergenic, if it matters to you. It doesn't to us\u003cbr\u003eBecause nothing means anything—but at least your head will be warm\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e44-47\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e22\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e7.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eWe make this product specifically for you instead of manufacturing 10,000 of them and hoping for the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eAs a result, shipping takes a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eIt reduces overproduction. It reduces waste. And it gives us one less thing to feel vaguely responsible for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision. Or at least this one.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"#nihilistlawyer","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51318059532324,"sku":"3783808_8936","price":19.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/4713\/2196\/files\/01-hero-beanie-cuffed-3q-wht.png?v=1787948252"},{"product_id":"a-beanie-with-a-sphere-on-top","title":"Beanie with superfluous pom pom. Sure why not.","description":"\u003cp\u003eSame beanie. A small sphere of yarn attached at the crown. We note this addition for the record. Its presence does not alter the terms of the underlying beanie. For contrast, or warmth, or no particular reason.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe boring details, read it...or don't, no one cares:\u003cbr\u003e• 100% acrylic- because what it's made of doesn't matter, and cotton is expensive\u003cbr\u003e• Pom-pom on top. An unnecessary detail in a meaningless world\u003cbr\u003e• One size fits most existential crises\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eB (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eC (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eD (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eE (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eOne size\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e45-48\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e23.5\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e7.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e20.8\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e7.6\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eWe make this product specifically for you instead of manufacturing 10,000 of them and hoping for the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eAs a result, shipping takes a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eIt reduces overproduction. It reduces waste. And it gives us one less thing to feel vaguely responsible for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision. Or at least this one.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"#nihilistlawyer","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51318195486756,"sku":"4998069_4629","price":20.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/4713\/2196\/files\/BeaniewithPomPom-2000.jpg?v=1787948453"},{"product_id":"its-a-mug-you-already-knew-that","title":"It's a mug. You already knew that.","description":"\u003cp\u003eCeramic. Black. 15 oz. Holds coffee, or tea, or whatever you're drinking at the hour when you should have stopped working. The handle is on the side. Dishwasher safe, probably, though we make no representations to that effect. Use constitutes acceptance. It's a mug.\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe boring details, read it...or don't, no one cares:\u003cbr\u003e• Lead and BPA-free material, as far as you know.\u003cbr\u003e• Dishwasher and microwave safe. because effort is overrated\u003cbr\u003e• Print area handled for you—one less meaningless decision.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBecause nothing means anything—but your drink should be hot.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWe make this product specifically for you instead of manufacturing 10,000 of them and hoping for the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eAs a result, shipping takes a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eIt reduces overproduction. It reduces waste. And it gives us one less thing to feel vaguely responsible for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision. Or at least this one.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"#nihilistlawyer","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51318303588388,"sku":"6300162_9324","price":12.95,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/4713\/2196\/files\/black-glossy-mug-black-15-oz-handle-on-left-6a91e3a3376ac.jpg?v=1787945904"},{"product_id":"tumbler-holds-your-drink-not-your-life-together","title":"Tumbler. Contains your drink. Not your sense of doom.","description":"\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eStainless steel. 20 oz. Double-walled, which is the part that does the work.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eIt will not improve your drink. It prevents your drink from becoming worse. For a while at least. Those are different services and legal insists we should be clear about which one you're buying.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eThe insulation is indifferent to contents. Coffee, water, something at 4pm you've decided not to discuss. It holds the temperature it was given and makes no inquiry into the circumstances.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp dir=\"ltr\"\u003eThe lid is included. It fits.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBuy it. Don't buy it. We're not your accountant.\u003cbr\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e(We’re also not not your lawyer. This is not legal advice. The tumbler is not legal advice.)\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e• High-grade stainless steel—built to last longer than your optimism\u003cbr\u003e• 20 oz capacity—fill it with coffee, water, or quiet despair\u003cbr\u003e• Comes with lid and metal straw—because this year sucks, and so should your straw\u003cbr\u003e• Matte finish, glossy protection—style over substance, as always\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eDisclaimer: Not dishwasher or microwave safe. Hand-wash only. Because life is inconvenient. And nothing matters—but adult women are 55% water, and yes we had to look that up.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong class=\"size-guide-title\"\u003eSize guide\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"table-responsive dynamic\"\u003e\n\u003ctable cellpadding=\"5\"\u003e\n\u003ctbody\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e \u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWIDTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eLENGTH (cm)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003ctr\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e20 oz\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e7.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003ctd\u003e21.4\u003c\/td\u003e\n\u003c\/tr\u003e\n\u003c\/tbody\u003e\n\u003c\/table\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eWe make this product specifically for you instead of manufacturing 10,000 of them and hoping for the best.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eAs a result, shipping takes a little longer.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"ydpad3a0e58isSelectedEnd\"\u003eIt reduces overproduction. It reduces waste. And it gives us one less thing to feel vaguely responsible for.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThank you for making a thoughtful purchasing decision. Or at least this one.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/div\u003e","brand":"#nihilistlawyer","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":51318408675364,"sku":"7941561_15004","price":29.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0786\/4713\/2196\/files\/stainless-steel-tumbler-black-front-6a91e58a1b0f6.jpg?v=1787946389"}],"url":"https:\/\/nihilistlawyer.com\/collections\/frontpage.oembed","provider":"#nihilistlawyer","version":"1.0","type":"link"}